ok guys i can't believe no one is talking about this yet but i feel kind of like there's a bit of an elephant in the room here. you know the kind. big ears? pink? also...singing??

i know i'm not the only one who's had a dance bomb dropped on them like this. have you ever broken into a musical number while communing with the spirits before? NOT PRETTY! in fact, kind of an interdimensional PR disaster! i tracked the essence of the spell, and it's wound all over los angeles. i know it can't just be me.

also, i just went to the starbucks, and i'm pretty sure i just got into a dance fight with someone. (i won.)

so come on guys stop being ashamed or whatever you're doing because i need your help here. here is what i've got in my notes so far:

1) singing??
2) magic!!!
3) area affect
4) auto-tune?
5) no counter spell
6) still no counter spell!

i know this sounds hilarious and everything and ok, it kind of is, but a compulsion spell this powerful could be really dangerous if we leave it unchecked. especially when we don't know where it's coming from.

cheers,
jack the plaid

[the video shows a smallish girl with brassy hair in a trench coat with a very judgemental pine marten in her lap.]

Hi, I'm called Silvertongue and I'm a real fortune teller, not like the kind that tells you you're going to marry handsome strangers and all that. You should email me if you want to know where there's a supervillain attacking next or what you need to do to beat him. If you're a real superhero I'll do it at a discount. I can do tarot, i ching, runestones, angel cards, anything. I'll know if you're a supervillain in disguise so don't even try it, I'll just ask the cards about your secret weakness and then I'll tell everybody on here what it is.

[the pine marten scoffs.]

Oh, Pan, I won't do it to anybody good, not even if they crossed me. I'm just trying to help.

You're just trying to make money, you mean.

Well, we got to eat! We can't use my credit card or they'll know we went to America. We'd get in so much trouble!

Especially since you don't even have a tourist visa.

[lyra glances back at the camera.]

Pantalaimon, hush! I'm gonna turn this off before you say anything else illegal.

[she shoves the pine marten off her lap and scoots forward towards the camera, shutting it off.]